I accidentally had phone sex last night
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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