I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
