I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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