So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
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Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
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It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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