Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
