Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
