last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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