Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
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Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
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Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
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