apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
