Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
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I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
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You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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