omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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