you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
