yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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