Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
