I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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