He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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