Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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