i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
