Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my being single is dangerous.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
