He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
