Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
