I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
