Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
