there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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