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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
