After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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