I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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