just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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