Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
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There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night