I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.