that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
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A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
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There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.