alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
