does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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