My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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