I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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