6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
