I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
