Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
