You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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