R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
