he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
