Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
