Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
