Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
