i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
