Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
