apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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