Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
