so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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