I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You're like the curious george of whores
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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