Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(541): View more from Oregon

She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time

Fav 9 1048 3010
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(251): View more from Alabama

Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?

(1-251): View more from Alabama

Why are you in my underwear drawer?

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment

(757): View more from Virginia

Personally I think it's a tremendous investment

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning

Fav 15 4088 1031
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(469): View more from Texas

Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?

Fav 12 963 2140
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(315): View more from New York

well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people

Fav 3 493 780
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(360): View more from Washington

when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants

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