took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
