the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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