I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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