he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
