I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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