Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
