How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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