so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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