I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
