I need help removing her.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
