clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
