3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
