he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
