it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Randomize
